My dear companion,
Why do you approach things and judge people’s perception of you from a negative and fearful stance? Why do you lead with the worst-case scenarios?
I know quite well that your childhood has a part to play but the problem is that what was once an experience created by others has now become you. What belief system has that conditioning created within your perception of the world? Do you see how it ails you and causes you to struggle to keep calm?
You think of the worst-case scenarios to prepare and protect yourself from the worst-case scenarios. Celebrating how much love you have in your life is immediately followed by the thought of being abandoned or betrayed. When you’re grateful to be alive, you think of your failure or death. When you send an email, you wonder if they will reply negatively or panic that you might have said something wrong. When you get home from a social event, you worry that you might have been too much.
You fear the worst so you imagine the worst to protect yourself from the worst. Your body is constantly on edge or in flight or fight mode because you frequently think about negative events, past and future, and mentally prepare for the possibility of something going wrong. It affects your sleep, eating, mood and memory.
I am constantly anxious because I maintain a state of anxiety in my mind. I am the creator of my distress
Helpful materials and conversations suggest that you should create peace within but being calm can sometimes feel like putting yourself in harm’s way. You worry you will miss something if you relax. You might make a mistake or ignore an important detail. With anxiety, you have some sense of control even though when you sit down to dissect it, you have no control at all.
Being calm feels delusional. How can one stay calm when you can’t do anything about the possibility of something bad happening to you or something not going your way? Why meditate when you can pace? Why sit still to reflect when you can doom scroll and only allow anxious thoughts space to exist in your conscious mind? Why take deep breaths when you can panic?
Well, my dear, it is because you deserve to experience some peace of mind. Peace of mind is sweet. The bad things will happen whether you panic or try to prevent them, and so will good things.
Let me share with you some of the tools I use these days to manage my negative and anxious thoughts:
Positive affirmations and prayer: Anyone can pray. I do not see prayer as an “exclusively Christian” activity. Pray to your ancestors, God or Gods, Chi or the Universe. Pray to the power, being or the force greater than you that you believe in. Positive affirmations can feed you with positive words that remind you of your strength and how to speak to yourself. This is what you have control over. During prayer, release what is not within your control to your God or Gods and ask them to work in your favour and the favour of your loved ones, your virtues and your beliefs.
Take deep breaths during the day. I started doing this often late last year when I realised that calming my body down can help me calm thoughts down. It brings me back to reality because I am focused on something other than my negative thoughts.
Go against the feeling of resistance. If you know your soul needs journalling to help you feel better but do not feel up to it, drag yourself to the living room and journal. I am usually glad I did at the end of the day. If you need to put your phone away and spend some time in silence but feel like doom-scrolling, put your phone down and do what you do not want to do but what you need to do.
At many points in life, we will experience that tiredness that comes from within, beckoning us to change our ways of being, to no longer be the cause of or contribute to sustaining our misery. When that call comes, heed it so you don’t spend the rest of your days in the prison of your creation.
With love,
A.
Thank you so much to everyone who donated to life.shit. this past week. Your support helps me create a comfortable environment and state of mind to write and record regularly.
May the odds ever be in your favour.
🫂🥂🍻🥰