you are entitled to disappointment
it comes with being human
If you are the type of person who believes they must get whatever they want or you fall in the category of people who believe that with a higher power on their side, nothing bad should happen to them then this title might come as a disappointment to you.
We all will be disappointed at some point in our lives. Think of it this way, when you win, someone else loses. Whatever position you occupy, someone else might want it. If you are first, someone else is second. If you buy the last fruit smoothie at Shop Rite, another hopeful shopper will be let down.
It may not even be a result of someone else’s glory, it could simply be that unfortunate circumstances outside your control have occurred and you have no choice but to go with it. Situations like a planned project not going forward, or a trip being cancelled due to bad weather conditions are out of your control and disappointing.
No matter how powerful or wealthy we are, we will be disappointed because there will always be a situation outside of our control that will not work in our favour.
At times, we will disappoint ourselves because the mind might be willing but the body isn’t or the body is willing and the mind isn’t. We might fall short of our expectations of ourselves or fail at fulfilling a dream of ours either due to our incapacity or poor fortune.
Disappointment is a negative emotional experience so it will not feel good to experience or sit with. What matters is how you perceive and respond to disappointment. From my experience, some healthy responses are:
If it is completely out of your control especially when it has to do with someone’s choice, work towards acceptance. Don’t try to guilt or shame people into giving you what you want.
Sit with it. Feel the sadness that comes with it and work towards an “it is what it is” mindset. Cry about it like a child who did not get what they wanted or rant to a friend about your anger or sadness.
See it as a redirection. A disappointment could be a nudge to reflect, re-strategise or halt.
Sleep. A good nap or night’s rest can help refresh our mindset when we have had a day full of bummers.
If it is a disappointing situation that you have some influence over, be a little stubborn to sway things in your favour but be conscious and considerate enough to not cross other people’s boundaries or disrespect anyone.
For the people pleasers, disappointing others can be a source of fear for you. The thought of looking into someone’s eyes full of dismay or hearing it in the sound of their voice can be heartbreaking. A feeling that usually follows is that of guilt or shame with a desire to give in to what they are asking of you.
To you, I say, STOP!
IN THE NAAAME OF LOVE!
Allow people to feel their disappointment. Maybe at some point in your life, disappointing others equated to a withdrawal of love, attention, companionship, affection or validation, it does not have to mean that anymore because as an adult you have come to understand that a person’s response to your boundaries is a reflection of who they are and not what you deserve. So, if they respond in such cold manners, they are signalling to you that their feelings matter more than your well-being in that situation. If you find yourself in such a dynamic, your options can be:
A conversation about the situation and their response to it, expressing how you feel and how their response has affected you.
Distance from them because you have discussed it and they have chosen not to acknowledge it or refuse to change their response even when given grace.
Disappointments and following healthy responses should be welcome in all kinds of relationships because we can not always get what we want from the Universe, ourselves or other people. It should be allowed and treated with grace.
With love,
A.