softness and ease
do you resist softness in your own life? do you create ease or you like to be deep in the struggle?
I remember the first few videos I watched from the YouTube page called Yit. I still do not have an accurate explanation of what they do but I know that I was utterly mesmerized by some of the lifestyles that they documented. My attention was captivated by the story of the young man who lived alone in a four-storey building and made pressed flower art then it was followed by that of the photographer and her equally beautiful and serene home. A few stories later, one being that of a textile artist and another of 7 girlfriends that remodelled a home in the mountains, I’d find myself pondering upon the possibility of introducing the level of softness, ease, peace, and gentle living that these people’s spaces and lifestyles possessed into my life.
I would look around me and be filled with sadness because Lagos does not often inspire any of those experiences. It stinks. It is constantly being stripped of its beauty from poorly maintained public parks and city decorations to old buildings being torn down to be replaced by boxes with dull colours and straight lines. Trees are being cut and it seems no one gives a shit about the drainage system.
Where in this city could I create a place of peace?
Apart from our unhealthy and dangerous built environment, living with Lagosians, sometimes, forces a spirit of anger and madness to come out from within. The energy is needed to protect, defend and serve oneself and ones loved ones. Lagosians can be poor communicators, dishonest, manipulative, downright annoying, inconsiderate and entitled beings. Whether they are family members, employers, bus drivers, friends, lovers or civil service officers, to get by you need some amount of craze.
Where then do I begin to create softness and ease in my life if the people and the environment surrounding me rid me of dignity and peace steadily?
In September of 2022, I attempted the 30 day self-love practice exercise that I had created. I wrote about it and while on the journey of that exercise, I began to realise that in my home and to myself, I was tough, unkind, unforgiving and rough. Very gra gra, y’know. I was intolerant of myself and resistant to mercy and gentleness. I did not possess the vocabulary or habit of a person who could create ease in her own life and there I was turning up my nose and complaining, rightfully though, about the stressors outside my walls.
Have I been able to create the level of softness that existed in those Yit videos since I came to this awareness? Not entirely. There are factors that are outside my control that indirectly make some things a bit difficult like the economy and insecurity. However, I have started practicing a few things that have helped me create some ease and peace in my daily life.
I started welcoming people’s support and kindness; their listening ears, open arms, and moves. I do not have to do everything by myself and neither do the people I love.
Rather than waiting last minute and rushing to do a thing or be someplace, I began to wake up earlier and respond faster. A lot less of I will do it later so that I am not creating tiny pockets of anxious thoughts in my life.
I try to walk slower. If you head out early, you would not need to rush to be on time. I try to be conscious of walking slowly when I am at home too.
Tea, a hot cup of tea and there must always be a box of chamomile tea
Stretching on my bed and taking deep breaths before I climb out of bed
Dancing at home and sometimes while I walk around the city
This is my favourite new habit and I will write or record something about it. I highly recommend this. Playing positive affirmations daily. I don't his when I wake up and sometimes when I go to bed
It takes regular conscious practice but I am learning to check how I speak to myself, to acknowledge my feelings to myself even when it requires me to say it out to hear myself
Smells are important. I like sweet-smelling bath gels so I have a few and I use whichever I feel like at that moment. I always have a candle, scented wax or diffuser burning every day
I try to feed beauty to my soul by visiting beautiful places or places with nice views in the city. I’d go to an exhibition or drive down a street or a road that I find visually appealing
Last year, I made it a personal goal to learn to communicate my feelings of frustration and anger in a softer way. It was not easy but I learnt something profound and it was that when I summon the strength to tame the fear within me, to quiet down the loud negative voices, I begin to see other ways to be and my thoughts are clearer. Fear, whether it be fear of rejection or of being misunderstood can blind me
Softness is created from within.
To create a life that was soft in a city where it was lacking and not a fertile ground for such, I needed to look within and begin to be soft with myself first then create it in my relationships with my built and natural environment and with other living beings.
With love,
A.
Self love is such a journey; high, stasis, lows and ebbs.
I'm glad you're discovering more😊.