what is your relationship with rest?
a moment for reflection
Let’s talk about rest!
A few weeks ago, I spoke to a friend about the need for rest. Not rest as in sleeping but rest that is focused on restoration. As we spoke, they explored their relationship to rest and pointed out how in their childhood home, rest was frowned upon. Their parents saw rest as laziness and not convenient for the survival state that they were in.
Money was tight and they needed to use their waking hours to make money for survival. Now, as an adult, they are financially comfortable, however, they have not shed the mindset built around rest from childhood.
The relationship many of us have with rest may stem from our experiences with it while growing up. These experiences have gone on to shape how we respond to this need.
So in today’s letter, my dear companion, I encourage you to explore your childhood and teenage years with a focus on the concepts of rest, and restoration to help you gain some insight as to why you think of “rest” the way you do as an adult.
How did your parents speak to you about rest?
Were they welcoming and practitioners of rest? Did your parents treat Sundays and Saturdays as rest days?
What did you do as a family to recover from a busy week besides sleep? Did you go to the pool? Did you visit other family members?
Did your parents value rest?
When you tell your parents you are tired, do they welcome your feelings and make space for restoration? Did they give you hugs?
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On the other end, were they dismissive of your weakness?
Did they shame you for it, make you feel guilty, or compare you to others tagged as hardworking?
Did they beat you, deprive you of rest or threaten you with violence or bad fortune when you were seen resting?
What do you tell yourself as an adult when you are tired and need rest?
Do you shame yourself, or criticise yourself?
Tell me in the comments.
With love always,
A
there were outings, yes. There were free times here and there, ‘free time’ being time outside tasks allocated by parents. But there were pressures that just meant I hardly remember resting as a child. there was always school homework to do, and I found it very difficult to not be ‘a good girl’ so I was always doing something and berating myself for not doing enough lol. There was hanging out with friends (to do homework together sha 😂) and there was alone time too here and there which I remember fondly. But all in all, just a lot of pressure (internal & external) and lack of peace.
Certainly I entered adulthood with this wiring. And before long, I started breaking down so things had to change. These days I value and prioritise rest in all its forms, sleep o, alone time o, playing, etc. or even just shifting rooms in my head. I remember living in proximity with a friend who took weekends off completely and seeing that it didn’t take away from his productivity and wellbeing but rather supported the quality of his life. Seeing him as an example helped me so much. And before long, I made the commitment to myself to keep my weekends work-free.
While prioritising rest has gotten easier, sure there are still sometimes work seeps in and I get very ferocious about it 😂. Like if it is me making myself work in the weekend, I must compensate by treating myself or nobody is getting sleep in the house (of my head). It’s a choice I have to make everyday to make out time for rest, and to include rest/faffing around/recovery time when planning my schedule.
Also, I couldn’t help myself. For anyone reading this, shameless plug: I run a magazine of reflections on how we grapple with everyday stress in our lives.
restful.substack.com
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