I do actually consider myself to be lucky because I have several layers of friendships that are categorized based on how close we are. I also do have acquaintances that manage to somehow become friends. I however do not have tips on how to make friends because it honestly comes natural for me, I don’t even try. I do believe that I’m easily lovable and that may have contributed somehow.
Also I think it may have to do with the fact that I socialize a lot, and I like to connect with people based on our shared interest.
I also let people talk about themselves and I pay genuine attention to what they say, when people feel like they’re listened to, they want to talk to you more. I don’t only listen, I ask questions that indicates my interest in whatever it is they’re talking about. What I know for sure is that people have stuff to say, sometimes interesting things/events in their lives so I just want to be their audience.
And when it comes to the subject of contacting them, I first go for the less invasive mediums, say for instance IG, that way I get to see only the side they want the public to see, and we can start communicating gradually from there
I think I’ve had the same friendships for a while and yes, it’s also really hard to make new friends in adulthood. I keep a small circle of close friends but I find that I feel lonely as I get older. It’s almost like your needs for these relationships keep changing.
I was fortunate to have had a partner who was able to be my friend at the same time. When you have that one person that understands you and opens you up to more ways of being loved you start to question your other friendships (especially when that particular relationship ends).
So I think my point is, as we get older our needs change and we realize that some things aren’t enough and that makes it harder to make new friends. When you’re currently unsatisfied with the say things have been done, even meeting or finding new friends is a task. Being an introverted person it’s even harder, sigh.
On being ghosted, I don’t know why it has been normalized😂 it’s cruelty. I just feel like things should be straightforward, that’s respect.
I have had the greatest fortune of having good friends in the different places i have lived in and schooled in. I am the type of person that loves to have a groups of friends, and thanks to WhatsApp, we all stay in touch. Presently, I am in Lagos and I have my group of friends here but I want variety. Older friends to be specific.
You are right. The needs keep changing and some of the friendships while still meaningful are not as close anymore especially when you are living on different continents.
I have a partner who is my friend too but when we went through a break up early this year, it opened my eyes to how I had slowly neglected y friendships for the comfort of my relationship. Not doing that again sha. Thank God my friends did not leave me. One of them said she considered cutting me off and I do not blame her cause I was absent
I am learning how to intentionally make friends even though I like the comfort of my home and space. I went for a wedding recently and there was a lady sat next to me quietly. I struck up a conversation with her and by the time we left the venue, we had shared contacts and Netflix suggestions.
Building friendship really takes getting out of your comfort zone and maintaining it is intentional work. Lots of "Hey, how far na?"
I have a few close knit friends and I enjoy each of their company ( albeit we hardly see in recent times cos adulthood be happening to us😒) Apart from this few, anyone I have been privileged to meet in this life journey, I call them acquaintance (or any description that fits) Overtime, I have learnt not to use the word friends loosely.
And tbh, building new friendships these days is such a chore! It's either you're trying so hard to keep up with communication or the other party don't care.
I have been ghosted once(maybe I didn't pass the vibe check😭)
Lovers on lovers.....Nah! I spend more time with my friends than Man's. I will learn to balance that though.
Adulthood happening is a thing! Bruh, I was telling a close friend that it is time that makes it difficult to maintain the friendships. In between work, womaning and Nigerianing, it can be hard to keep up.
What helps my friends and I - Group chats, BBQs, Netflix parties and sleep overs. Oh and parties.
I have had to learn as well the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. I’m trying to find a definition for a person who is slightly above acquaintance but not a friend yet
I laughed at the ghosting bit. Didn’t pass the vibe check. E dey happen.
Ah, that could have worked if comrade didn’t already have a potent definition. I shall share what I find. Maybe it’ll be good to look into our languages. Something might be there
Hi Amanda, I enjoyed reading this.
I do actually consider myself to be lucky because I have several layers of friendships that are categorized based on how close we are. I also do have acquaintances that manage to somehow become friends. I however do not have tips on how to make friends because it honestly comes natural for me, I don’t even try. I do believe that I’m easily lovable and that may have contributed somehow.
Also I think it may have to do with the fact that I socialize a lot, and I like to connect with people based on our shared interest.
I also let people talk about themselves and I pay genuine attention to what they say, when people feel like they’re listened to, they want to talk to you more. I don’t only listen, I ask questions that indicates my interest in whatever it is they’re talking about. What I know for sure is that people have stuff to say, sometimes interesting things/events in their lives so I just want to be their audience.
And when it comes to the subject of contacting them, I first go for the less invasive mediums, say for instance IG, that way I get to see only the side they want the public to see, and we can start communicating gradually from there
Know what is interesting? Right after you say that you do not have tips on how to make friends, you go on to list tips! HAHAHAHA!
Anyone that reads this comment is and is searching for tips, here are the suggestions i have gathered from Ola's comments:
- socialise. leave your house. go outside.
- find shared interests. movies are a good way to start or tv series or books or food sef.
- listen to people. ask them question.
- start with easy to communicate platforms like Instagram before you enter phone calls and WhatsApp.
Am i rite, Ola? :D
Haha you are very correct Amanda, I actually didn’t realize that I had dropped tips 😂😂😂😂😂
Glad I could input something.
Looking forward to your next write up.
I think I’ve had the same friendships for a while and yes, it’s also really hard to make new friends in adulthood. I keep a small circle of close friends but I find that I feel lonely as I get older. It’s almost like your needs for these relationships keep changing.
I was fortunate to have had a partner who was able to be my friend at the same time. When you have that one person that understands you and opens you up to more ways of being loved you start to question your other friendships (especially when that particular relationship ends).
So I think my point is, as we get older our needs change and we realize that some things aren’t enough and that makes it harder to make new friends. When you’re currently unsatisfied with the say things have been done, even meeting or finding new friends is a task. Being an introverted person it’s even harder, sigh.
On being ghosted, I don’t know why it has been normalized😂 it’s cruelty. I just feel like things should be straightforward, that’s respect.
I have had the greatest fortune of having good friends in the different places i have lived in and schooled in. I am the type of person that loves to have a groups of friends, and thanks to WhatsApp, we all stay in touch. Presently, I am in Lagos and I have my group of friends here but I want variety. Older friends to be specific.
You are right. The needs keep changing and some of the friendships while still meaningful are not as close anymore especially when you are living on different continents.
I have a partner who is my friend too but when we went through a break up early this year, it opened my eyes to how I had slowly neglected y friendships for the comfort of my relationship. Not doing that again sha. Thank God my friends did not leave me. One of them said she considered cutting me off and I do not blame her cause I was absent
I am learning how to intentionally make friends even though I like the comfort of my home and space. I went for a wedding recently and there was a lady sat next to me quietly. I struck up a conversation with her and by the time we left the venue, we had shared contacts and Netflix suggestions.
Building friendship really takes getting out of your comfort zone and maintaining it is intentional work. Lots of "Hey, how far na?"
Hi Amanda! I enjoyed reading❤️
I have a few close knit friends and I enjoy each of their company ( albeit we hardly see in recent times cos adulthood be happening to us😒) Apart from this few, anyone I have been privileged to meet in this life journey, I call them acquaintance (or any description that fits) Overtime, I have learnt not to use the word friends loosely.
And tbh, building new friendships these days is such a chore! It's either you're trying so hard to keep up with communication or the other party don't care.
I have been ghosted once(maybe I didn't pass the vibe check😭)
Lovers on lovers.....Nah! I spend more time with my friends than Man's. I will learn to balance that though.
Thank you for reading! I’m truly grateful!
Adulthood happening is a thing! Bruh, I was telling a close friend that it is time that makes it difficult to maintain the friendships. In between work, womaning and Nigerianing, it can be hard to keep up.
What helps my friends and I - Group chats, BBQs, Netflix parties and sleep overs. Oh and parties.
I have had to learn as well the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. I’m trying to find a definition for a person who is slightly above acquaintance but not a friend yet
I laughed at the ghosting bit. Didn’t pass the vibe check. E dey happen.
Okay hear me out 😂😂😂
Let’s come up with that term exclusive to Nigerian that describes someone who like you said is slightly above acquaintance but not yet a friend.
My entry:
Comrade
Ah, that could have worked if comrade didn’t already have a potent definition. I shall share what I find. Maybe it’ll be good to look into our languages. Something might be there